another day, another dollar (not much else though)

there's not much going on today. yesterday was frustrating beyond belief. a friend of mine fell through on a commitment he made to me. it's not that i didn't expect him to let me down. it's just that i so despirately wanted to believe that he wouldn't. unfortunately, he proved my instincts right. he deliberately refused to follow through with his promise to me. i haven't wanted wanted to be wrong so badly in quite a long time.

it's that horrible sinking feeling that someone will let you down. you brace for the worst, hoping that all the energy you've spent on preemptive countermeasures will be useless. it's just so sad and crushing when that you find out that it was necessary.

what a freaking cop-out! don't give me those same bs answers you gave me before. i don't want to hear it. the only thing i want is an apologee and silence. but i'll never get that. i'll never have that harsh sort of closure. instead, you'll just never know that you've lost my trust. you failed me, and forgiveness is immediate. but my faith in you has been damaged and the repair could take quite sometime.

God, i pray that You'd bring peace immediately. although i know i don't deserve it, i'd want the same for me. forgive me too, Father. i know i let you down everyday. i'm sorry. that's all i've got to offer.