Yesterday, in response to this post, an anonymous person wrote the following:
I love donuts!!! But I am allergic to dough. Cowboy butts drive me nuts!
Dear sir or madam,
That happens to be quite an interesting comment. It doesn't happen to have anything to do with that particular post. But, I'll oblige anyway and respond.
1. Unfortunately, I have some mixed feelings about donuts. You see, I love them. I really do. I also have quite a sweet tooth. But, I'm trying to get into better shape. So, I'm watching what I eat now. Donuts aren't really taboo, they're just not a good idea. I love them for their wonderful taste and texture, but I hate the temptation.
2. Allergic to dough, you say? That is unfortunate especially given you love of donuts. You may want to talk to my niece. They say that she may be allergic to bread. I do have to warn you, however, that if you do decide to consult her about your possible similarities, you are going to have to be fluent in chirps, screeches, ooos, aahs, and monosyllabic utterances. But, it's always nice to have someone who will empathize with you.
3. You don't like cowboy butts... really? Well, I would generally advise you not to watch the following movies. Tombstone, Young Guns, most John Wayne movies, and The Magnificent Seven. Given your aversion to vaquero haunches, you should definitely avoid seeing Brokeback Mountain. If you don't know why,
just take my word for it.
4. Hmm. I just thought of something. Given your passion for donuts, could it be that there is a specific type of donut common in your area called a "cowboy butt." This could be the case. And, that would bring your three sentences into a somewhat happy cohesiveness. I, however, am going to err on the side of caution and, being somewhat of a donut connoisseur in my younger days, assume that there is no such donut called a "cowboy butt." Now, I understand that "assuming makes an ass out of you and me..." But, given the fact that you've already made an ass out of yourself with this comment, I'm going to make an ass out of myself just so you don't feel so lonely. You know, like in that movie. That guy, did that thing... for that other guy. Yeah, that was awesome. See, I'm covering for you here. Because that's what I'm willing to do for my precious few readers. I want to keep them coming back to read what little I actually post. So, I do everything I can to make them feel at home. But, let's face it... you still made an ass out of yourself.
5. And this is really the most pertinent comment that I've got.... WHAT THE HELL?!?
Now, please don't misunderstand me. I do enjoy a few random comments every once in a while. I don't mind anonymous posting at all. In fact, you are more than welcome to post any random comment that comes to your precious mind. I, in turn, do reserve my right to retaliate...
JF
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Daily Ditty:
Foo Fighters - Still
8 comments:
Wow, I didn't expect that. I was just being silly, I didn't realize that I made an ass out of myself. The quote from Joe Dirt reads, "Hey Dirt! You queer? I saw your bumper sticker "Cowboy's butts drive me nuts." Joe Dirt responds, "This queer? Does this look queer to you?" (as he pats his biceps) The original jerk then says, "You wanna fight Dirt?" Joe responds, "How bout I put yer head up my butt and you can fight for air?" and so on and so forth. That movie is hilarious. As for the donuts, completely random, like the milk dance, the badger crawl and many other crazy things that I do. Sorry for making an ass out of myself on your webspace, it was not intentional.
Hahaha! Lol. Your best post to date.
But seriously folks. It occurs to me Joe that if there is no such donut as The Cowboy Butt, then there is an opening in the market here (I can't believe I said that). No, really. The Cowboy Butt Donut Co. It's got a ring, don't you think (eek, stop me). It's a marketing concept you could really get behind!
I'm available for advertising catch lines when the time comes.
Chris Taylor. Finding out it was you makes me so happy.
Rob diggy? Is that you in the hizzy? I thought you was locked up? Dag fool, Its been awhile. You still selling children on the black market? I hope so. Kids need a good home.
Yeah, it's me. You know you can't cage the beast.
Yeah, I'm still selling the chillens. You know what else need a good home? Kidneys. Let me know if you're interested.
No thanks on the kidneys, I already have 4 of em, and 3 bladders, I don't need to pee but once a week.
Cool. Tell your friends.
R. Fuel - I'm in the market for a nice juicy gallbladder.
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